Forget. By Uncle Monty.

The Toilet Paper It's Written On.
By Uncle Monty at Libya's Tripoli.
Writeovers By Alex Albion.
It was the fourth e-mail of five about John
Bird of The Big Issue that caught my immediate
attention. The anonymous writer was among
those first responding to my call for information
and titbits about the odd life of the Bird guy.
That’s so I could write his life story to coincide
with this year’s upcoming 20th anniversary
of his co-founding of The Big Issue with his old
and now reclusive friend Gordon Roddick set
for September, 2011.
The e-mail that caught my attention was blunt
enough and right to the point. It said in
red capital letters: “FORGET HIS LIFE ~
I must say I was bowled over from the brutal
honesty of the anonymous writer and the fact
that what was stated was a perfect headline
for me to now use for this my first story
of all about The Big Issue at 2011.
The same writer detailed the reasons why I
shouldn’t even waste my time writing any
kind of book about John Bird or anybody to do
with him - period. The tone and texture of the
e-mail clearly indicated he or she knew John
Bird personally and upfront although the
writer gave no indication of what his or her
relationship was, or may still be, with him.
After reading the full and revealing e-mail, I
began to mull over in my mind whether or not
is was really worth writing a book about the
oddball and redneck Bird or his long-troubled
Big Issue or about his little vile peewee brother
Peter Bird and/or about those closely associated
with the Bird Brothers during the scam lifetime
of The Big Issue.
Calling herself “Catty” was another e-mail writer
who suggested that John Bird’s own autobiography
- "Some Luck" – was full of BS or bullshit. I don’t
know since I’ve never read his stuff, although at
one point I did sell some copies of his bio when he
asked me to do so at some Big Issue do a few years
back. He made money and I made money off
those copies I sold.
Bird's own book is vanity publishing by him.
Whatever, I’ve come to the conclusion that
writing a book or an unofficial biography about
him would only play in to his ever big and
self-centred head. Plus, I suspect few folkz
would want to buy such a book anyway since
he’s lower than a B-rated dude at best.
Perhaps the only time worth doing a book is
if some major scandal should erupt regarding
him and The Big Issue in the future. Or if
somebody sends me a full chronology of
John Bird that has never been made public
before. Then I may re-consider writing a
unflattering book about The Big Issue sod.
As for peewee Peter Bird, he is even worse
than his bloated brother. Therefore, I think
it's best to also take peewee and forget his
life: It’s not worth the toilet it would also be
written on. But I personally will not forget
what he's done to me - never, never!!
With such said, don't expect then to see any
kind of book by me about John Bird at time
soon. Frankly the sooner we can all say
"good riddance" to him and his sterile
brother Peter, the bloody better.
Happy New Year, Uncle Monty.
+The Epiphany, 2011.
(The above story caption herein shows the front
cover of Bird’s autobio “Some Luck” with him
as a UK post-war little lad in London. The
second image, below, of him is pretty much
the same. The writeovers were added to
each of the two images for my online story.)
Catty suggests AJB's book is "full
of BS or bullshit." If you've read
it, let us know ...
:: AJBird's Blog ::
Steve Farrell Wood - A Big Issue Street Coodinator.
But he's really just another Big Issue jerk! And,
also a foul-mouth git and hack poet. The posed
image of him, below, is about as fake as you could
get. It was done for The Big Issue Xmas Appeal
a couple of years ago. They had to find someone
to pose so they dragged weirdo Steve Farrell
to pretend what he was not ...
The lousey image of the jerk, shown above, by Cecilia
Hallin – which I’ve now cropped and cleaned up by
removing all the noise and clutter in the original
photo - was printed on a coloured 8¼” by 5¾”
insert inside The Big Issue a few Christmases ago
with the Big Issue Foundation logo in the far right-
hand bottom corner begging for Xmas donations
from the UK public. On the overleaf, the insert or
flyer declared “The Big Issue Foundation has al-
ready made huge differences to many people's
lives.” How true, indeed!! That why Peter and
John Bird have made huge differences in the lives
of many vendors that they’ve thrown or tossed
away at their own whim and callousness like
they done to me. I am a living example of all
that’s wrong with the The Big Issue’s cold and
arbitary Bird Brothers, who are a law unto
themselves and have been so for all too
many years. There is no due process or
appeal against them, expect to sue them
in a court of law. Such may come sooner
or later than they think.
In the meantime –
NEVER!! If you want a reason not to donate,
just look above at the jerk Steve Farrell ....
Below: He's delivering The Big Issue for ven-
dors to buy at its distribution point outside of Boots
at Covent Garden's James Street in Central London ...
:: Feedback & Comments ::
Out of Crude & Cruel Africa.
By Uncle Monty.
{To enlarge any image, just click on it}

1 comment:

Allen and Sussie Hanes. said...

Great Monty! We just got your New
Year's postcard from Tripoli in
Libya. Oh boy, you sure do get
around. We thank you so much for
thinking about us. No, we shall not
forget your life or your constant
travels around the world. We agree
with you to forget the life of the
Big Issue con artists. Let us then
send you our 2011 New Year Best
Wishes. You constantly surprise
us. 2011 will be no exception
knowing you. Respectfully,
Allen and Sussie Hanes.